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Archive for the ‘animals’ Category

The Website “Craigslist” is notorious for the “personal ads” and “sex hook-ups”, but did you know that there is much more to Craigslist than just smut?

photo from: eatliver.com

Oh yes! It is a mother-load of information, such as job postings, community, housing, discussion forums, of course personals, and on and on.

When you are bored and need a good laugh, well that is the site to go to. What? You ask. Well, these aren’t just any old “personals” or “ads”, no, these are the most hilarious and bizarre notices you will ever read!  Some of them are so weird, you will not believe what you are reading. Yes, it is THAT good.

A word of caution, this site is also known for scams, and there is ample information on their site about protecting yourself from getting duped. Basically, use common sense.

If you have never checked it out, here is the site: http://www.craigslist.org/about/sites

So here are a few postings I found to be extra funny….enjoy!


Insanely Aggressive, Territorial, Guard Duck, (Muscovy)

Hello.

This posting is about “MR. DUCKY.” When he was a chick, he was my favorite out of the entire flock. He was one of the few ducks that would gently nibble on my finger. He would always let me pet him and feed him spinach. Now he has become a horrible monster of a duck. His nibble has turned into a skin-tearing instrument, his feet have turned into painful, skin-piercing talons. Anything moving in the yard that is non-duck, he attacks. He attacks raccoons. He attacks dogs. He attacks cats. Now he even attacks full-grown humans, galloping around the yard with clipped wings like some sort of maniac. Sandals are out of the picture now, unless I want scabs on my feet. This was semi-tolerable for a while, but now he can inflict a fair amount of pain on my calf through my work jeans, and I can’t get anything done in my back yard. So this is my ad. If you want a duck that will scare/maim/fight any animal that might be threatening your flock, MR. DUCKY is the craziest damn duck I have ever seen in my entire life. He is only friendly with ducks. I don’t know about chickens, but he charges crows or other birds that land in the yard. He is a great guard duck. I have a newborn son that I want to have ten fingers growing up. $40 OBO, MR.DUCKY. Upon pickup, feel free to observe his behavior. He is one-of-a-kind.
Call: 253-[deleted] I live in Bremerton, will deliver.

Free stuffed walrus head

This walrus head has been in my family for years. I have never liked it. It was given to me by my father in his will. I’m sure it’s his idea of a way to get back at me for my alternative lifestyle that he never approved of. I’m going to throw this in the dumpster if I don’t get rid of it by the end of the week. I can’t even sleep with this thing in my house so I’ll be awake all night, feel free to give me a call at any time to let me know when you can come pick it up. CJ 435-[deleted]

Location: St George

Orange Popsicles

Okay, it’s Craigslist. One day you can have free fill dirt (you haul), the next day it’s tons of moving boxes all in good shape.

Well, today it’s orange popsicles (all in good shape, you haul).

A regular box of popsicles includes cherry (my favorite), grape (so-so) and orange. I don’t like the orange ones. I’m a grown-up and I don’t have to eat them if I don’t want to. On the other hand I can’t bring myself to throw them away and I don’t have children or grandchildren living in the area to give them to (assuming they would like them).

I currently have a bunch of orange popsicles in my freezer. If you want them,, let me know. If you are paranoid about them, you probably shouldn’t be looking for free things on Craigslist in the first place. However, keep in mind they are all “factory sealed” and whoever takes them probably isn’t going to end up on the 6:00 news because they were poisoned to death by orange popsicles.

Someone is going to want these things, so you better hurry. If things work out, maybe we could develop a “popsicles are ready for pickup” relationship whereby I send you an E-mail whenever the freezer overfloweth.

Keep in mind that a box of 24 popsicles costs about $4.50 and you are only getting 1/3 of a box…or in this case 1/3 of several boxes. The point is I don’t think you should consider driving from Estes Park for the orange popsicles. However, if you do and you are first, I will give them to you.

FAQ:

Q: Are the orange popsicles sugar free?
A: Do I SOUND like someone why buys sugar free popsicles? No, they aren’t.

Q. How many orange popsicles are currently available?
A. As of 3:15 on 1/27 I have 17 of them.

First person to respond gets all of them!

  • Location: Lafayette

Personal Assistant 1 hr/day 8am wanted

I want to get out of the house and workout everyday. I need help motivating my body to walk out the door. I need someone to come ring the doorbell and tell me to get out of the house to go for a run, hike, kayak or such.

It should only take a week of this to get me motivated enough to go on my own.

  • Location: Redmond
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We live way out in the “sticks”, and our decision to move to this area was for several reasons, the quiet solitude, the clean air (or at least it seems clean), and the wildlife. We used to live in a subdivision, where the homes were so close you could hear the neighbors argue. When we had a neighbor across the street who kept running into peoples yards, and vehicles, because she was high on drugs or alcohol….we had had enough of living in such close proximity to the neighbors.

So now we live in an “acreage” neighborhood, and the smallest lots are two acres. This gives you plenty of room to be loud, or walk around the back of the house in your underwear, etc. The freedom is limitless!

We also love the wildlife, there are herds of deer that live in “the neighborhood”, there are hawks, roadrunners….literally running around (love those), and rabbits. Of course there are other critters that we don’t care for so much, as they are pesky and mean.   I’m talking about possums, armadillos, coyotes, snakes, and raccoons.

I am going to elaborate on the raccoons, don’t let their cuteness fool you, they can be mean. They tend to come around looking for cat food, as many people here have food for their pets outside on the patio.

"Uh oh!"

Our garage is next to the master bedroom, and sometimes someone forgets to shut the garage door at night. Well the little critters love this, they are just like cats….curious and cant help themselves.

"If I don't move...you won't see me"

So, one morning, I’m awake, but laying in bed, and I hear some noises in the garage. I think to myself, “great”, what could that be? I better get up and check it out. I get up, put my robe on and my flip-flops and shuffle out to the garage. I open the side door, and look around. At first I don’t see anything because I’m looking down around the floor. Then I look up, and voila! The varmint is dangling from some rafters in the ceiling. I think to myself, “What are you doing you crazy raccoon?” And I laugh out-loud, as he looks at me with an expression of, “uh oh”.

When I was going out to the garage, I thought the critter would be on the floor, and I could easily “shoo” it away. But when I discovered it was hanging from the ceiling, I knew this would not be an easy task. Especially since he scampered up onto some shelves, this little guy didn’t want to go anywhere.

So, he utilizes the tactic of, “I can’t see you, therefore you can’t see me”. I’m laughing…as the raccoon is being as still as possible, like if he doesn’t move, I won’t see him.

"I can't see you....so you can't see me"

I decide that this is a job for the man of the house, and I go back into the house to wake him up, for this manly task. Besides, I know he will really enjoy getting the raccoon out of the garage….secretly, all men like doing these things.

Of course I grab the camera, as this is just too funny.

I explain to my husband that there is a raccoon wedged in between the shelves, and he should take care of getting it out. Of course I laugh and tell him first it was dangling from the roof (I still can’t figure out what he was trying to do or get to).

So, I didn’t want to be in the way, and when it was all over and the raccoon was gone, I asked my husband how he got it out. He used the broom to chase it down, and it did take awhile, as well, that raccoon just did not want to leave his cozy shelf.

It is always just a matter of time before we have another “critter episode”.  I have to admit, it makes living here interesting and exciting…. in fact, it sure beats finding your drunk neighbor stuck in your hedges.

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A pilot program in Tanzania, is currently using trained giant rats to sniff human sputum samples to detect Tuberculosis (TB). This is a contagious and potentially fatal disease that can affect almost any part of the body but manifests mainly as an infection of the lungs.

Photo by: Boston Globe

These giant rats are said to have improved disease detection by 44 percent, as they find TB that is not detected by conventional testing.

According to the World Health Organization, TB can be difficult to detect under the microscope, and estimates are that 2 billion people around the world are infected with it.

Rat sniffing out landmines photo from boingboing.net


Besides being able to detect TB, these rodents are also good at detecting land mines. In the full article, it is stated that, “Whatever dogs can detect, rats can detect equally well, a rat can be trained for one-fifth the cost. They’re more calm than most small animals, very intelligent and social, and they love humans.”

To find out more about the research utilizing rats: Apopo

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I’m fortunate to have a lot of wildlife around me, even though I live on the outskirts of a large city.  There are several herds of deer that live in my neighborhood, and one morning, I looked out my window and was delighted to see not one, but three little fawns (feasting on my plants…lol, oh well, how can I have a grudge against these little babies?).  I hope you enjoy the photos!

FAWN

Fleeting

Always timid

Wanders

Navigator

Oh dainty doe

You are so graceful

Quietly wandering to and fro

Sometimes you rest under the trees, finding a dry spot from the rain

Waiting out the storm, so that you may continue your plight

The constant quest for food

You are so pleasant to gaze upon

A reminder of all that is ephemeral

One should delight in your presence

And never take for granted

The innocence you bring to the world.

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As you may or may not know, I got to celebrate the 4th by going to watch the “ponies” race, eat non-healthy food, see monkeys riding dogs while herding sheep, and the finale of huge blasts of wonderful fire-works!

I’m not a big gambler, but when I’m at a place of gambling…..well, lets just say I do my fair share.  I really do enjoy the horse races, and I particularly like the part where they march the horses out for you to see what they look like before the race.  I think horses are pretty, and pretty scary at the same time.  I really admire how those tiny little jockeys aren’t afraid of the horses…..how do they do it? I also like the fact that when jockeys are around, I seem to be much taller.

Lets face it, people go to the races for the chance of winning big.  If you think of it, where else can you go and place a $2.00 or $6.00 bet, and turn that into hundreds or even thousands of dollars?  The only thing I don’t like about the races, is the fact that I don’t have enough time in between the races to make a good decision on the next race, and pick my horses.  I take my betting seriously, as I hate to waste my money, so I also don’t spend alot of time socializing (like you are supposed to do), and enjoying myself.

Before each race, I am in a frenzy reading and trying to figure out what bet will bring me the motherload.  My plan is simple….I look at which horse has won the most money in the past, and sometimes I also look at  which jockey has done the best.  Between those two things, I make my decision.

This doesn’t always work though….as I found there was a race that they had NO statistics for their winnings.  I guess it was their first race of the year, so I just picked the names I liked the most (very scientific…lol).

I always play Trifectas, as those seem to pay the most (why win $20 when you can win hundreds? duh).  Note: always take only the amount of money you are willing to lose.

My big win was the fourth race with “Dashin Too Hi”, “Master Injun”, and “Another Fast Colt”….those ponies won me $126.00….yea!  So it was a fun evening, and at least I walked away with the same amount I came in with.

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So, I just found out that some family (a set of in-laws), are going to visit us for the fourth of July holiday…..yea!

It just so happens that this father-in-law, (I have two sets….divorced parents on my husband’s side…..ooh twice the fun), is quite the gambler and since he lives in the “sticks”, and doesn’t get to experience the joy of going to either the horse races or dog races……guess what? we get to take him when they visit!

My husband was looking up the schedule for the horse races on their web-site, and during the summer they have much more than just racing. They have all kinds of live bands, etc., in order to attract more people, plus they add cheap beer to seal the deal (50 cent draft).

Well we have a real treat for the Fourth of July this year……as he reads aloud, “Post-race fireworks extravaganza, face painters and balloon artists, and…….what? Performance by Team Ghost Riders featuring 4 monkeys riding dogs and herding sheep”.

Needless to say I’m dying laughing….and confirming by asking (to make sure I heard right)….”What are the monkeys doing?”

To show that I am not making this up, you may check out their web-site:

http://www.teamghostriders.com/

Wow, I can’t wait!

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Earlier today, around lunch time, my son and I were both standing next to each other in front of the kitchen counter, silently eating our respective sandwiches, while watching our lone goldfish in his tiny fish bowl.  Between bites of my sandwich, I asked him, “Do you suppose he gets lonely?” “Yeah, he probably does”, he replied.  And we started discussing how no one really pays attention to lonely old “Wally”, yes that is our goldfish’s name.

But then my son said, “Well, actually he probably gets over it pretty fast, I heard somewhere that gold fish have a memory of about three seconds”.  We both laughed, then continued discussing, with such a short memory, could he be depressed or lonely?  Because three seconds later, he would be over it, and on to some other “gold fish thoughts”.  We laughed again.  He then said, “It would be like forgetting where you are, or 480 times a day, the day would seem new, so he wouldn’t get depressed or lonely (1440 minutes per day divided by three= 480).  So after our “deep thoughts” on the life of Wally, we decided he isn’t lonely or depressed.

I suspect that as long as  Wally gets fed, and someone cleans his little bowl out every once in awhile, he  is just happy as a clam in his fishbowl world.

Wally looks pretty happy to me.

So……what do you think?

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